Navel Gazing . . .

Every year I get this catalog from Heifer International. Heifer administers the giving of livestock and animal husbandry education to the needy world wide. Every year I read this catalog and think: “This year I’m gonna request my family and friends contribute to this organization rather than giving me stuff.” And every year I blow it. Not this year.

I am truly fortunate. I have a great wife, loving family, solid friends, pretty good health, advanced education and material abundance. In all respects, I am among the world’s luckiest people.

There’s a concept I learned about in college – noblesse oblige. It is defined as “benevolent, honorable behavior considered to be the responsibility of persons of high birth or rank.” I view it a bit more broadly as the obligation of the more fortunate to help the less fortunate. I’ve seen it played out by members of my own family (certainly not nobility, but capable of noble acts).

Most notably, I remember my father’s act of giving on a family trip to L.A. A rough looking young man stood outside a restaurant begging for food. While the rest of the family went inside to eat, my father took a second to speak to the man. Next thing I know, my father is walking in with the guy telling the waitress to give him whatever he wants to eat and send the check to us. I can’t recall if the guy sat with us or ate separately and it’s not important in the context of the story. My father explained that as a young man he’d been hungry himself and wanted to return the favors of the many folks who had helped him get a meal and a warm place to sleep. I think I was about 15 at the time of this event – I’m 37 now and I’ve never forgotten it and I never will.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully appreciate personal responsibility. I worked hard for what I’ve got and took advantage of luck when it shined on me. But I think it’s important to be humane, caring and open to helping those who really need it when you can.

So, this year I did it. I created a Heifer Gift Registry at http://www.heifer.org/siteapps/personalpage/ShowPage.aspx?c=edJRKQNiFiG&b=477011&sid=dmIVLcPRLgKVLfNZLrG. Everyone reading this should have gotten the e-mail asking you to give to this organization this year rather than getting me presents that will just collect dust in a closet somewhere. If you’re reading his and haven’t gotten that message, then go check out our (Carol and I) registry and consider making a contribution.

Enough navel gazing for one post.

A Wedding In The Heartland

This week one of my wife's close friends got married. We hosted the bride, groom & 2 other women for a couple nights, attending the wedding itself on Saturday.

Two notable matters arose during the week related to the wedding, specifically the vows. What is more personal than the statement of wedding vows. Most of us, the lazy like myself, accept the vows proffered by the officiant. The theory goes something like “there’s so much other stuff going on that this is just another detail requiring time and focus not possible during the ramp-up to the wedding.” Turns out, other folks actually think about the words they’re going to say.

Saturday before the wedding, the bride expressed her deeply held belief that marriage should be between "any 2 people willing to commit to it." She also told us that she planned to have a statement to that effect in the vows. She asked us how we thought that would go over. I told her that, while I agree with her position, this is Kansas and there's a minister / priest involved, so there's a couple wrinkles to work out. She said she fervently believed that if the expression of her belief in this setting opened just 1 person's mind it would be worth it (aside from it's inherent value to the bride and groom, of course). Hard to argue against that. And the fact that that belief is getting additional press here can only be a supplemental benefit, right?

In the interim there was a scuffle with the officiant, reluctant to be party to an expression outside her accepted religious beliefs. I could go on here for about a hundred pages with a “who the hell does that priest / minister think they are imposing their beliefs on these folks,” but that would take all day. (NOTE TO READERS: If you’ve got a thought on that subject, I‘d be willing to have a written dialogue about that here, so please share your thoughts . . . at your peril!). In the end, after some prodding, language almost identical to what the bride wanted made the final cut; I noticed immediately, while my wife did not. My In-Laws also noticed and mentioned it to me.

The second interesting item that made it into the vows was a statement that each of the bride and groom would “support the other in the pursuit of their art.” Each being artists (she a photographer, he a – OK, I don’t know), there’s nothing outwardly odd about that, but I did find it notable – and quite appropriate.

All in all, a thought provoking wedding, more so than usual (except for the Ethiopian Orthodox Catholic service we attended years ago – but that’s a whole other story).

Congrats Lex and Paula! Best wishes for the future!